Seven Crazy Things Gnomes Do on Vacation
Hello chaps, it’s the Roaming Gnome here!
You might have seen me on the television recently—if so, I’d like you to know that the camera really does add ten pounds. I’m that loveable travel scamp who’s always roaming the world and finding smashing deals for people like you. Remember me? The pointy red hat should jog your memory.
Anyway, the editors of this fine blog, The Window Seat, have been terrific sports and are letting me pop in here to write a guest post about my summer vacation. You may have heard, you see, that I spent the summer gallivanting about the country, relying on America to vote where I should travel next, and updating my Facebook page and Twitter feed from each destination. Here are my seven favorite moments from the trip.
What I Did on My Summer Vacation by the Roaming Gnome
1. Got a tattoo in Chicago. Gosh, was that ouchy!
2. Tied the knot in Las Vegas with Holly Madison, saucy playmate and ex-Girl Next Door. I know, fellas, I could hardly believe my luck either. I tell you, it’s the beard: gets the ladies every time.
3.Got robbed on the Grand Canyon Railways! (Psst: not really. Though doesn’t that gentleman look awfully menacing? Travel tip, chaps: don’t leave your money in the brim of your hat.)
4. Got thrown into jail in Philadelphia. Well, I always thought being this handsome was a crime, and apparently so did the folks at Eastern State Penitentiary.
5. Went ziplining in Hawaii. If you could have heard the soundtrack for this, it would have sounded like one long scream. A very manly scream, of course. I was only able to recover by ordering the largest Mai Tai available and drinking it on the balcony of my room at the Grand Hyatt Kauai.
6. Made some new friends at the San Diego Zoo. If elephants never forget, then I’m going to be on this chap’s mind for quite some time. I think I made quite an impression.
7. Got my party on in New Orleans. Don’t ask me what I had to do to get those beads. Honestly, you don’t want to know. Though they do offset my eyes rather nicely, don’t they?
My name: The Travelocity Roaming Gnome
How I earn my keep: I roam the world finding great deals, upholding the Travelocity Guarantee, and looking rather handsome while doing it.
What kind of traveler I am: A small and perfectly-formed one.
Greatest travel lesson learned: Just because you can climb into the overhead baggage compartment and stay there for the rest of the flight, doesn’t mean you should.
Travel ambition: To never again miss my plane because I’ve stopped to take a photo with a fellow traveler who’s spotted me. Ah, it’s tough work being a charmingly lovable travel mascot, I’ll tell you that.
First thing I do in a new place: Make friends.
When I’m not traveling: I’m browsing the SkyMall catalogue, toasting crumpets, testing beard conditioners, and planning my next trip.